Gizmodo writer Alyssa Bereznak awoke the kraken yesterday by posting a scathing article about her series of dates with Magic: The Gathering world champion Jon Finkel.

Here is the main point of contention:

Just like you’re obligated to mention you’re divorced or have a kid in your online profile, shouldn’t someone also be required to disclose any indisputably geeky world championship titles? But maybe it was a long time ago? We met for round two later that week.

At dinner I got straight down to it. Did he still play? “Yes.” Strike one. How often? “I’m preparing for a tournament this weekend.” Strike two. Who did he hang out with? “I’ve met all my best friends through Magic.” Strike three. I smiled and nodded and listened. Eventually I even felt a little bit bad that I didn’t know shit about the game. Here was a guy who had dedicated a good chunk of his life to mastering Magic, on a date with a girl who can barely play Solitaire. This is what happens, I thought, when you leave things out of your online profile.

I later found out that Jon infiltrated his way into OKCupid dates with at least two other people I sort of know, including one of my co-workers. Mothers, warn your daughters! This could happen to you.
You’ll think you’ve found a normal bearded guy with a job, only to end up sharing goat cheese with a guy who takes you to a one-man show based on Jeffrey Dahmer’s life story.

Lesson 1: Know Your Audience

When you write for a website whose audience consists of geeks and nerds, you probably shouldn’t post an article embarrassing one of the kings of geekdom because his past is too geeky for you to date him. She pretty much brought back the flood of negative memories and feelings about the girls in high school always turning down the smart kids to thousands of Gizmodo readers. Now she is facing an onslaught of internet retribution. You wouldn’t post an article about how you won’t date a nerdy chess champion in Chess Life.

Lesson 2: Don’t Air Your Personal Crap at Someone Else’s Expense on a Major Website

Bereznak’s post is completely off-topic for Gizmodo, has nothing compelling to say, and embarrasses someone for no reason. Her thesis is just “Google the shit out of your next online date. Like, hardcore.” I’m sorry, but from her description, the dates didn’t seem bad enough to pull a “hide your kids, hide your wife” post. Though Jon, buddy, just say no to anything involving a serial killer on any date, especially an online one.

Lesson 3: If You Didn’t Like Your First Date, Don’t Have a Second One Just to Get More Material for Your Shitty Post

Seriously. This is an all-time dick move. You lead this guy on, pretty much knowing that you aren’t into him, just to get more material for a post that is going to embarrass him online. You say he “infiltrated his way” into online dates with other women you know. That is such a loaded and negative phrase, as if his profile should be required to display a scarlet letter G for geek to let the shallow girls dismiss him before meeting him. His problem is that he was the best in the world at something geeky. Do you know how few people are the best in the world at something? Even you were compelled to refer to him as “Jon motherfucking Finkel.” The day I am referred to as “Kevin motherfucking Bondelli is the day I will know I have made it.

Maybe we should try to stop being so shitty to each other for no reason, even if that means having to actually come up with a story idea or losing some potential pageviews.