1. X is in a relationship

COMMENT: Congrats!

WHAT THEY MEAN: Shit! There went my chance!

2. X is now engaged

COMMENT: Congrats! You are perfect together!

WHAT THEY MEAN: I hope they invite me to the wedding.

3. X and Y are now married

COMMENT: I’m so happy for you too!

WHAT THEY MEAN: I can’t believe I wasn’t invited to the wedding.

4. X is at [Location] with Y and Z

COMMENT: Sounds like fun!

WHAT THEY MEAN: Why the hell wasn’t I invited?

5. About to see [Movie] with Y and Z

COMMENT: You’ll have to tell me if it’s any good.

WHAT THEY MEAN: They knew I wanted to see that! WTF?

6. X is now single

COMMENT: Oh no! What happened?

WHAT THEY MEAN: Here’s my chance!

WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS: See #1.